I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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