You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
