she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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