shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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