just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
