toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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