Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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