i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
