I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
