Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
