Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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