okay pat passed out under dana's car
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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