Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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