You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
