:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
