Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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