I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
