Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
