someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
