Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
