Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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