Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
