Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
