she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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