I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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