I'm so fucking centered right now
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
