Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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