As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
