Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have feelings that need drinking.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
