Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
