You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
