im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
