omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
