Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have tasted many bathrooms
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
