He asked me if I "almost moaned"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
