In America we eat man semen.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
