You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
