Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
