it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
