I'm sorry my penis didn't work
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
