You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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