Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
