new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He felt like a one man threesome
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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