It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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