I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
