you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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