Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
