Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
