It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I see more hoeing in ur future
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