It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
