No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize