Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize