Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
