She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
