Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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