Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize