I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
