I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
