1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you still have your period?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
