Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
