piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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