What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
