how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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