if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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