No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
