I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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