Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
