see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just pee around me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
