Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
