i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
