She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
