And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
