I think I just saw someone hide a body.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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