I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
