Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
